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Your favorite expletive bids fare-average

By Conor Gallagher
On March 28, 2012

This is my last column and that would make me sad, if I wasn't so apathetic. Although it has been the downfall of all of my more serious relationships, my apathy is something I hold dear so I hope it is not offended when I put it aside for a moment to think about the following question: How do I want to be remembered? I think this is something that festers in everyone's mind when they are about to move on to something else. Whether it's a job, a new school or death, being remembered for our graces and not our faults is the general goal (I assume). That being said, I don't know if I want that. In my experience, faults are what make us and they're how we learn. There are definitely some people on campus I would get rid of, change in every way possible and even wish I hadn't met all together but, those select few aside, I think that the faulted are much more interesting than the perfect. With those sappy words said, I'll show you below how I want to be remembered: the same as I was when I was here. Insert your favorite explicative_____: Regrets from a Xavier Life The time has come the walrus said, or so he would have, had he been able to speak. It is the end my acquaintances, and like so many before me, I leave Xavier an unfinished man. We (and when I say we, I mean you) will all have our (again, just you. I'll be fine) laments come graduation day but, lingering in our hearts, I'd say there are a few things we all wish we could have done at Xavier that just weren't meant to be. Jumping into the middle of Gallagher I don't know about you, in fact, I probably don't even know you at all. What is your name? Coffee later? You can buy. No, really. I insist. Anywho, I can't help but notice

that Gallagher is in large part a circular building and that it just begs to be jumped into. The strategically placed flower boxes acting as graspable ledges. The bounce houses brought in for MAD each month. The fact that there is ALWAYS something hanging in the middle. Please do not misunderstand, I am not aiming to hurt myself; I want to do this for the right reasons. I want to save someone from falling to their doom by jumping in slightly after them, grabbing onto one of the things hanging

from the ceiling, grasping their hand at the last moment and suffering only a minor skin burn to my palm. Is that too much to ask? I took a dry run one night by fake-jumping over the railing on the third floor. My foot barely made it across the railing before I pulled myself back due to a screech let out by a girl sitting near the edge. It's nice to know she cared, and if you're out there stranger, let's get coffee. You buy. No really, I insist. the extreme! As soon as I heard that the new res hall would have an outdoor green on top of the caf, one thought came to mind: two-story cornhole. Being from the East, I had never heard of this game until I came to Ohio and admittedly, my skill at it is still nothing to write home about. I've even attempted to punch the bag over to the opponent's

board. This resulted in nothing less than one of the players being hit in the back of the head with said bag and falling over in surprise. Hannah Baker, I apologize again.

Something about playing the game on multiple levels, the fact that it would require pure luck and no skill for the team throwing from the bottom level makes it so attractive to me. If you feel up to it, please feel free to get in contact with me.


That's it, two final quips to sum up my life at Xavier. Little stories about nothing where I try to turn a phrase, whatever the hell that means. In any case, please remember me as the following, and see my examples as to how you have no choice not to:

1. Young and Fine. I'm pictured on the Caf murals a minimum

of two times, twice on one wall. The third picture is still up for debate.

2. A member of the Xavier community. You live in me, Xavier. Every time you go to Gallagher Student Center, O'Connor Sport Center or the Joseph building, know that you're inside part of my name.

3. The Embodiment of Xavier; mind, body and soul. I have expelled some sort of bodily fluid in the following places: Kuhlman 502's sink, Kuhlman 502's toilet, Kuhlman 502, the new brick walkway from Dana's to the circle in front of William's College of Business, the sand volleyball courts, the woods behind the sand volleyball courts, the Caf, the Gallagher fireplace, the lawn behind Hinkle Hall and Kuhlman circle. For details on any of these, please feel free to ask. At the very least, it'll be an easy way to keep in touch.

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