Back to the kitchen

I feel that I should apologize to you, oh-so-loyal readers
of the Xavier Newswire. Last week, I was required as Sports
Editor to put out the eight pages of men's and women's basketball content known as our basketball preview issue. As a long-time fan of basketball and someone who played basketball for a number of years, I felt that I would be more
than qualified to create these eight pages. However, it dawned on me after finishing the issue that I was unqualified to have taken on that responsibility; I had not attended Xavier Basketball 101 for Women.
Prior to this realization, I had thought that it was capable
for men and women to be equally educated in terms of
sports knowledge, but I was quickly corrected by Xavier's
Athletic Department. It's not like I'd ever spent a significant
amount of time explaining the intricacies of a burn offense to my friends or recounting stats from seasons past. For those of you who are unaware of the wonder of Xavier Basketball 101 for Women, you are clearly missing out. It's a nifty program that the Xavier Athletic Department implemented this year in order to educate female Xavier basketball fans about the uber-complicated sport of basketball. If that doesn't interest your uninformed minds,
ladies, don't worry. They have a fashion show at the end to hold our interest! Now, I should make it clear that Xavier did not develop this program on its own; it's a program that many large schools have implemented. Clearly, our goal should be to emulate the goings- on of these stellar big-name schools. Everything goes splendidly there. Regardless of how the program began, the important
thing to remember is that Xavier cared enough about us uneducated, lowly women to inform us of all the things we've been missing, in a way that only men can do. Another key factor of this event that we must try super hard to remember is that it was put on entirely by the men's basketball program. I thought we had a women's basketball team at this school, too, but I must have been,
like, totes wrong. Obviously this program could only be put on by men because those involved with the women's team are just not as skilled and educated as their male counterparts. It's not like they were ranked higher than the men have ever been. Head coach Amy Waugh must not have been the ESPN three-point shooting champion in 2003, where she defeated not only all the women present but also the men's champion from Butler as well because if that had been the case, any respectable athletic department would have asked her, and her team, to participate in this event. Clearly, women just don't have the knowledge and abilities to educate other women on the
oh-so-wonderful sport of basketball. Men are just so
far superior to women in the world of sports that it would
be a disservice to us to have to learn from anyone but the best. You know, the "best" that are picked to finish 9th in the Atlantic 10 and have faced endless scrutiny in the past year.
I immensely regret that I missed out on this incredible
opportunity to learn about basketball; maybe they would have taught me what it takes to make a touchdown! Unfortunately, I was busy neglecting my womanly duties
by going to class and working instead of becoming an informed basketball fan. Clearly, my priorities were severely
misplaced. Our University's priorities, however, are clearly in
working order. Why would something as petty as basic respect for women (or even just not blatantly degrading them) be a larger priority at this school than basketball?
Don't women make up, like, the majority of this campus or something? That must not be a factor. We clearly do not
promote Xavier's good name well enough to be
given the same respect as our beloved basketball
program, as they represent our university so very well.
If nothing else, the Xavier Basketball 101 for Women provides us with the opportunity to discover where women truly stand at Xavier University. For a campus that has been admitting women for nearly 50 years, it appears at times that we are regressing to the 1950s, which was obvi such a blast if you weren't a white male. Oh no! I've been out of the
kitchen for a whole three minutes. I better get back.
Gentlemen, suggestions on what you'd like for dinner?